how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
