i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
