I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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