is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
