just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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