Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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