Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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