SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
