not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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