as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
