just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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