Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
