Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
