At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
