So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
