NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
