She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
