You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
