My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
