it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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