Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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