we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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