We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
