Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
