i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
