im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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