Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
