Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
