Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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