actually, I'm a sock model
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
