haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
