As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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