had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
