I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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