It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
