i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
