when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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