i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
