I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
