Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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