my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
