I can text with my tongue
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
