So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
