how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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