All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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