sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
