I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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