oh god the rape fog is back!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
