yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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