I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
