This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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