She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
