I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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