i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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