Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
