During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
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