wanna go halves on a baby?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
